Last week, we went to her gynecologist to hear our third baby’s heartbeat through the doppler, something we failed to accomplish last time. I was really hesitant at first because it was during this time when our second baby’s heart stopped beating. But I realized that then, more than ever, andrea and I needed it each other to get through the whole ordeal (this doppler scan). Because, if the same unfortunate thing happens again, we would only have each other to lean for support.

Anyway, it was the longest clinic time we’ve ever had. Our gynecologist was due to go out of the country for almost a month so all her patients wanted to see her for a last checkup before she went. We arrived at the clinic a few minutes after six in the evening and waited until 11:30 for our turn. Yes, she had lots of patients and she was determined to finish seeing us all.

When it was andrea’s turn to lie on the table and have her tummy scanned with the doppler, I kept on praying. The 5 hour wait for her turn seemed nothing compared to the anticipation I felt during the next few minutes. I distinctly remembered feeling hopeful and happy when we had the same scan a few months back until the doctor told us that she couldn’t her the heartbeat. So I couldn’t wouldn’t allow myself to be hopeful now.

The moments seemed to pass and I tried to drown every sound in the room so that I could hear that familiar beat from the doppler – the train-like cadence I heard when mateo was still in her mommy’s tummy, the same beat I wanted to hear but never did with our second. A few more minutes went by until I finally heard a sound from the doppler. It was short at first. I thought I was only imagining it because I wanted so much to hear it. But the doctor seemed to mysteriously know where to bring the doppler to next because everytime I heard a faint beat, she would swing the device again. Until finally, the doppler stopped moving. Andrea and I could finally hear that train-like cadence. She (I’m hoping it’s a she) is alive and doing pretty well. The doctor told us that the baby was quite energetic and moving around a lot that’s why she had a hard time finding her. Everytime the  doctor heard a beat, the baby would move. I wasn’t imagining the sound after all. She heard it too.

I was so happy I wanted to cry. I almost did the moment we went out of the clinic. I just hugged andrea instead.

After that, we couldn’t stop smiling. I couldn’t stop hearing the cadence in my head. Apparently she couldn’t too, that’s why she bought a doppler a few days after. We are currently waiting for the thing to arrive after ordering it on ebay. Hahaha!

Getting those two pink lines the second time around is definitely not the same as the first. This time, Ramil and I are mentally prepared for it because it was planned. Also, there’s a two-year-old jumping up and down with us although he doesn’t fully realize what the fuss was with the stick I was holding. Knowing what we know now, Ramil and I are less scared and less unsure.

Nevertheless, the decision to have a second child did not come as easy as we’d thought it would be. Although we both knew we wanted more than one child, we didn’t know when the perfect time is to follow it up with another one.

We’ve considered several things before finally deciding to go for it. It also helps to ask other people around us, especially those who’ve had several children already.

• Spacing. This is one of the primary things that we considered. Closer ages or farther apart? We didn’t want them too close because it’s going to be difficult taking care of two very small kids. However, we also didn’t want them spaced that far apart because we figured they’d find it easier to become friends if they are closer in age. We’ve set our personal choice: a minimum of two years so that Mateo will be getting out of the terrible years by the time the second child comes and a maximum of four years so that they’d still be in high school together.
• Finances. So far, the spacing we’ve agreed upon is also agreeable to our financial situation. We wanted the next one when Mateo is not using diapers anymore so that we won’t spend twice as much.
• Ready-ness of first child. Fortunately, Mateo is not the jealous type although we have yet to test his limits once the baby comes. Before deciding to go for another child though, we’ve carefully thought about how Mateo will take it. Also, as early as now, we involve him in the expectations that we have. We always look for opportunities to talk to him about what’s going to happen in the next few months and to expose him to smaller babies as well.

There, those three are our biggest considerations in having our second child. We have a very excited household right now and saying that everyone can’t wait for the new member is an understatement.