Yesterday, mateo climbed up the stairs of the Preschool building on his own, and not without the dramatics to emphasize the cruel separation. You see, if I remember correctly what andrea told me, mateo insisted on going up without accompaniment. In fact, he waited halfway of the steps up to see andrea off, before proceeding to his class – perhaps making sure that he wasn’t being followed. I know it seems too small an issue to dwell on, but mateo has never gone up to his class quietly before yesterday. Sometimes he would even insist that both of us go with him. And of all the skills that he has been evaluated in, that going up to class on his own is the only skill that has not been observed yet. What a way to prove everybody wrong. I guess it’s his own way of saying he’s ready… to grow up… and eventually to leave.

So first the first time after a long time, I carried him after class. When he requested for a karga, I didn’t hesitate to give him what he wanted. After all, it’s only a few more years till I won’t be able to carry him anymore, or till he refuses to be carried.

Mateo just turned two last January but we’re hoping to enroll him in the youngest class of the school where we teach. The class often consists of children from 2.5 to 3.5 years old and Mateo would barely make it to the minimum age. However, since it’s better than staying at home with a yaya we’re trying to condition him for school.

Hence, I’ve been researching on how to prepare a child starting school for the first time. Below are some of the fruits of my research:

• Even before school starts, talk to your child about school. Make it sound as exciting and fun as possible.
• If possible, bring your child for a visit before the first day of school to make him comfortable with the surroundings.
• Stay with your child during the first day to show him that there’s nothing to be afraid of in school.
• Talk to your child and explain that mommies are not allowed to stay in anticipation of leaving him in school.
• Leave and don’t be swayed by his cries. Hesitation on the parent’s part will encourage his behavior.
• Tell him that his teacher will take care of him and all his needs.
• Assure him that you will come back for him when school is over.
• Don’t be late in picking up your child!

I know that especially with Mateo’s young age, he’ll have a bit of difficulty adjusting to school. Still, I’m hoping that he adjusts as quickly as possible so that school will be enjoyable for him.

I teach in a small, private school where the average tuition fee of each student is around five months worth of a teacher’s gross salary. It is a school where expensive cars line up the street during family days, report card days, and Christmas programs. It is a school where some students get cars as their HS graduation gifts, where family vacations for the students mean going out of the country, where some students have a PSP, a PS3, a desktop, a laptop, an iPod, and such, ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

A lot of the kids nowadays are so used to getting what they want and most of the time they also decide how and when they want it. Some don’t do chores anymore because they have yayas and helpers. Some don’t study at home anymore because they are always online – chatting, browsing Facebook / Friendster, or playing online games, practically anything and (God forbid!) everything they can do online except school work (which is always their excuse for going online in the first place).

It’s not surprising that some of these kids end up failing in school when they don’t even bother submitting requirements. You’d think one or two failing marks should be enough to tell them to shape up and to get serious with their education. However, some of these kids put the blame on the school, on the teachers, on their classmates, on the subject, on the exam. They put the blame on anything and anyone but themselves. It makes you wonder where they get the attitude but when their own parents would come to school demanding to know why their child did not pass, why their child will not graduate, why their child did not get an award, you realize that the apple does not fall too far from the tree.

I often frustrate myself trying to understand how some children grow up like this – how they somehow come to the conclusion that they can always have their way; that they should always have it easy; that rules either can be bent or don’t apply to them; or that they can get things that they did not earn and do not deserve. I frustrate myself because I encounter kids like these and I hear about kids with attitudes worse than these. It makes me wonder whether they took a wrong turn somewhere or they were put on the wrong path from the start.

Ramil and I now find ourselves on the treacherous path of parents as well. Mateo now has his own mind and I realize that it is so much easier to raise a spoiled brat. It’s always easier to say yes to what he wants. It’s easier not to correct his ways, not to go out of my way to show him how to be patient and mindful, not to tell him right from wrong. It’s easier to buy things that he wants and to let him do what he wants than to endure his tantrums. I realize that it’s easy to raise kids whom I have just described above.

I am making a conscious decision now not to choose the easy way – to always take the time not just to correct but also to explain even if it means delaying the laundry; to be there to guide even if it means postponing my own enjoyment; to be a better person so that I can be a better example. Most of all, I’m trying my best to remember that I am not always right even when it comes to my child.

MU (mutual understanding). Dating. Special Friends.

These are just some of the many terms that young people nowadays use to define their relationships. It’s no secret that kids are now going into relationships earlier than kids were ten years ago. What’s worse is that it’s not unusual anymore to hear of some girls getting pregnant at 14 or 15. Some kids now start having crushes as early as 6 while kissing for some could start as early as 9. Most of them think it’s okay while most of us in an older (and wiser!) generation can’t help but wonder what these kids are getting themselves into.

Is it too early?

The common question kids ask whenever this topic comes up is when is it too early? Or when is it okay? At what age can I have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Let me relate my own experience, I had my first relationship when I was 15. Back then, I knew only a handful of people who were also in relationships. However, looking back now, I still think I got into it prematurely. I made a lot of bad decisions because I was too young to use proper judgement and discernment.

I’m not saying 15 or older is ideal but if the relationship or being in a relationship lets you make bad choices then you shouldn’t be in one in the first place. It’s something that applies even to adults but with adolescents, raging hormones, lack of experience and wisdom, definitely makes things more difficult.

There are also some who had their first relationship at a young age and even ended up marrying that person. It’s different for each person and it’s different for each child. If the child is not even mature enough to behave appropriately in certain situations then getting into a relationship would just give the child more opportunities to act and behave inappropriately.

I feel thankful that Mateo is still very far from adolescence but with the way a lot of kids are nowaday, I could only hope that he’ll be so much wiser when that time comes.

First, when it comes to school, will bringing him this early affect his view of school? What concept of school would we build in Mateo if he sees so much of it even before he’s old enough to attend classes? Will this effectively take away the anticipation for the first day of school?

Second, since Mateo spends as much time with our co-teachers as we do, then there’s a huge possibility that he might just grow up treating them like regular aunties and uncles. How then will this affect his view of his teachers?

Third, because andrea and I are both teaching, we have no idea how Mateo will take to a household of educators. Is this going to make him like schooling more or would it push him to detest it? Also, on our part, when do we start being teachers to him instead of parents and when do we become parents instead of teachers? Will he be able to recognize the difference?

It seems like the more he grows, the more complicated parenting gets. And the fact that we’re teaching and children spend most of their waking time in school does not make things any easier.

Even before I got married, I knew I wanted children. I went as far as deciding that if I am unmarried by the age of thirty-five, I’d look for an attractive, intelligent man and get myself pregnant. When I became a mom however, there were times when I would feel so down especially during the post-partum baby blues stage that I would wonder why I ever wanted to have one. From being a carefree, independent couple, Ramil and I got stuck at home with a small creature who dictates our meal times, bath times, monthly budget, and the amount of sleep that we get. No wonder there are some men or women whose choice is not to have a child.

If there’s some kind of societal expectations when it comes to marriage and the age one is supposed to get married, then there’s so much more when it comes to having children. Most of my unmarried friends would express their longing to settle down because they know that their biological clocks are ticking. A few of them, however, are now enjoying their careers and financial independence so much that they’d get irritated with questions of ‘when are you getting married?’ or ‘when are you having kids?’

More and more couples are choosing not to have kids. A lot of their reasons are not so surprising. A friend once asked whether it’s such a bad thing to want to focus on herself and her future husband for most of her life. Below are just some of the sentiments of those who choose to go childless:

• Pregnancy. Morning sickness, darker skin in some parts of the body, big nose, falling hair, swollen feet, no coffee, no alcohol, huge tummy. It’s no wonder some women don’t want to get pregnant, ever.
• Birth and delivery. After nine months of carrying your baby inside you, you’d think that nothing should be more difficult. Wrong, because the whole nine months culminates into hours of painful labor.
• Budget. The expenses of having children are no joke. Hospital bills, monthly check-ups, milk, medicines, diapers, toys, education. The list goes on and on until the child finds his own job.
• Free time. Well, the lack thereof.
• Sleep. Again, the lack of it.
• From husband and wife to parents. Having a child has a huge effect on a married couple. Priorities will change big time and it takes a lot of work to remember that you were a couple first before you were parents.
• Diaper changes, inconsolable crying, terrible two’s, separation anxiety, rebellious teenage years, etc.

I’m pretty sure those who have made conscious decisions not to be parents have more than the above as their reasons. But it makes one wonder why being parents is still the more popular choice.

• Babies. They’re cute, cuddly, and could take away one’s exhaustion with the littlest smiles.
• Procreation. Some people just love the idea of their own mini-me’s.
• Old age. Unfortunately, some people decide to have children because they’re afraid of being alone when they get old.
• Convention. Sadly, some people have children simply because it’s the conventional thing to do.
• Love. Cheesy as it may sound, some people are meant to be parents.

Gone are the days when deciding not to have children is unheard of. Nowadays, people have a choice. To each his own.