Even before I got married, I knew I wanted children. I went as far as deciding that if I am unmarried by the age of thirty-five, I’d look for an attractive, intelligent man and get myself pregnant. When I became a mom however, there were times when I would feel so down especially during the post-partum baby blues stage that I would wonder why I ever wanted to have one. From being a carefree, independent couple, Ramil and I got stuck at home with a small creature who dictates our meal times, bath times, monthly budget, and the amount of sleep that we get. No wonder there are some men or women whose choice is not to have a child.

If there’s some kind of societal expectations when it comes to marriage and the age one is supposed to get married, then there’s so much more when it comes to having children. Most of my unmarried friends would express their longing to settle down because they know that their biological clocks are ticking. A few of them, however, are now enjoying their careers and financial independence so much that they’d get irritated with questions of ‘when are you getting married?’ or ‘when are you having kids?’

More and more couples are choosing not to have kids. A lot of their reasons are not so surprising. A friend once asked whether it’s such a bad thing to want to focus on herself and her future husband for most of her life. Below are just some of the sentiments of those who choose to go childless:

• Pregnancy. Morning sickness, darker skin in some parts of the body, big nose, falling hair, swollen feet, no coffee, no alcohol, huge tummy. It’s no wonder some women don’t want to get pregnant, ever.
• Birth and delivery. After nine months of carrying your baby inside you, you’d think that nothing should be more difficult. Wrong, because the whole nine months culminates into hours of painful labor.
• Budget. The expenses of having children are no joke. Hospital bills, monthly check-ups, milk, medicines, diapers, toys, education. The list goes on and on until the child finds his own job.
• Free time. Well, the lack thereof.
• Sleep. Again, the lack of it.
• From husband and wife to parents. Having a child has a huge effect on a married couple. Priorities will change big time and it takes a lot of work to remember that you were a couple first before you were parents.
• Diaper changes, inconsolable crying, terrible two’s, separation anxiety, rebellious teenage years, etc.

I’m pretty sure those who have made conscious decisions not to be parents have more than the above as their reasons. But it makes one wonder why being parents is still the more popular choice.

• Babies. They’re cute, cuddly, and could take away one’s exhaustion with the littlest smiles.
• Procreation. Some people just love the idea of their own mini-me’s.
• Old age. Unfortunately, some people decide to have children because they’re afraid of being alone when they get old.
• Convention. Sadly, some people have children simply because it’s the conventional thing to do.
• Love. Cheesy as it may sound, some people are meant to be parents.

Gone are the days when deciding not to have children is unheard of. Nowadays, people have a choice. To each his own.

I remember writing a ‘10 years from now’ essay for my English journalism elective class back in high school but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember a single thing that I wrote.

So the question of what one would be bringing to their tenth-year high school reunion is the usual question. I’m sure a lot of our batchmates would say an M.D., Ph.D. or other letters at the end of their names, some would say a managerial position at a big company with a whole team under them, a few would say a six-figure salary and some may even come with a kick-ass car as well.

There are some who would attend for bragging purposes while there are others who will be there to get the scoop on everyone. Ramil and I will be attending simply because we haven’t attended a homecoming in a the past few years and our tenth seemed like a good time because a lot of our batchmates would also be there.

The decision to attend comes with some kind of self-assessment and since I couldn’t very well claim to be the inventor of post-its, might as well review my life ten years after. I realize that aside from the it’s-ten-year-after-high-school realization, I am in some sort of denial that I am this old already.

So what do I have to say for myself after ten years? Well, I married a batchmate…

… and we have a smart, happy, beautiful baby…

Let’s not start on the material aspect because my salary as a teacher is not even half of some of my friends. Career is also not a topic of choice for me because although I’m happy and fulfilled being a teacher despite the low pay, I’d still rather be a full-time stay-at-home-mom if I’m asked to make a strict choice between the two.

After my self-assessment, I thought that reunion or no reunion, I’m left with questions for myself:

Am I happy? Very.

Am I content? Most of the time.

Am I fulfilled? To the brim

Well, I guess I have everything I need by my standards ten years after our high school graduation. Thankfully, I won’t have to say I invented post-its.

A female friend of mine recently started a friendship with a male co-worker. The friendship is of the new generations’, they’re constant texters even though their work allows them little interaction with each other. After several exchange of text messages, he asked her out and she agreed. On that date, he expressed his liking for her and told her that he has a crush on her. The single date turned into two when he asked her out to have coffee and even brought her home afterwards. After a few days, she told him (through a text message) that maybe they should stop sending text messages to each other, and to definitely stop going out with each other. She realized that they are actually threading the delicate lines of cheating. Even though she considers the guy as just a friend, he still has a girlfriend.

This, and many other similar stories, is an example of how blurry cheating is. According to Wikipedia ,

Infidelity can be defined as any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, and is a breach of faith in an inter-personal relationship.

Using this definition, can one say that if a boyfriend of an extremely jealous girlfriend talks or even just looks at a pretty girl then he is cheating on his girlfriend? Is the knowledge of your partner’s displeasure of a certain act falls under ‘mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship’? But relationships don’t start out with clear boundaries anyway. You don’t enter a relationship and say ‘Here is a list of our do’s and dont’s’. What then would be considered cheating? I’m sure to most people it doesn’t have to go as far as sex for cheating to be considered cheating. Even to those in an open relationship , infidelity is a possibility.

In this day and age of text messages, instant messengers, and online social networking sites, the lines of infidelity are more blurred than ever. Is a and a considered acts of cheating? If your boyfriend has a ’special online friendship’ with someone he has never met, is he being unfaithful?

I had a boyfriend before who agreed to stop smoking. I didn’t exactly ask him but he knew that I didn’t like it so he told me he’ll stop smoking. Several months after his vocal resolve to stop smoking, I detected the unmistakable smell of nicotine on his fingers and his breath smelled suspiciously of toothpaste. I am a naturally instinctive person and I immediately knew that he smoked and that he was trying to hide it from me. I didn’t even dare confront him about it, afraid that he would even deny it upfront. Needless to say, I felt betrayed. Was he being unfaithful? I would definitely consider it a ‘violation of mutually agreed-upon rules of a relationship’. Most especially since he was the one who imposed it.

How about those who simply think about committing an act of infidelity? Or those who cheat but don’t get caught? Are you considered a cheater even if you’ve never been caught? There are also the technicality of ‘in-betweens’, ‘on a cool-off’, or ‘on a break’. The possibilities seem to be endless and just like the law, people use the intricacies of it to get away with it.

When my friend talked to me about her situation, I told her that it would be safe to use herself as compass. I told her to put herself in the girlfriend’s shoes. Would it be okay with her if the guy is her boyfriend? She thought long and hard. That’s when she realized that they’re being a bit unfair to the unknowing girlfriend.

As for me, I’m only happy that my own personal experience with infidelity is limited to cigarettes. Or at least, that’s what I know.

Months before our 100th month though, I told him that I want us to go out on a date this time. So my dear husband carefully thought and planned for it. He originally suggested going for an overnight stay at a hotel just like what we used to do before Mateo came along. We already had a budget for it but our beloved red car broke down last May and Mateo got sick several times. Hence, we were left to plan for something more affordable.

We’ve been hearing and reading about a small, quaint Swiss restaurant nearby called Vieux Chalet . Ramil and I thought that it might be a good time to try it.

We made reservations for our date and they sent directions to Ramil’s phone. Since we’re from the nearby area, we easily found it in 15 minutes. It might be a bit more difficult to find if you haven’t been to Antipolo though. The restaurant used to be an old house and it adds a homey feel to it. There was only one waiter but he made up for it by being so accomodating, service was definitely way better than other classy restaurants filled with waiters and waitresses. Just like other restaurants in Antipolo, it has a magnificent view of the metropolis. It’s one of the reasons why the restaurant is a favorite romantic destination.

Apart from the whole atmosphere in the place, a small, faraway restaurant will not be as well-known if not for the great food it offers. Ramil and I had a difficult time choosing what to order because we were both hungry and we wanted to try everything. The prices on each dish however, limited us to order just two dishes. Two dishes proved to be more than enough because we were both very filled and satisfied after our meal.

We decided to each order a dish and then to share it between us. I ordered their Shrimp Ravioli which costs 400+ and is good for 3-4 persons. I was initially tempted to go for the safer Fettucine Alfredo but decided to be more daring and to try something new. It was a good decision because we were pleasantly surprised with the pasta dish I ordered. The sauce was really delicious and the cheese filling of the ravioli was very generous.

Ramil, a meat person, ordered beef tenderloin in mushroom sauce. This dish was very expensive at 700+ and is good for 2-3 persons. The mushroom sauce was really good, a better version of Razon’s Sizzling Bulalo sauce. It was a good thing that we were happy with the sauce because the beef tenderloin was not as tender as we would have wanted. Don’t get me wrong, it was soft enough to cut with our fork and spoon but I’ve tasted other less expensive, softer tenderloins.

We both had their refreshing lemongrass cooler for our drinks but decided against ordering dessert. We instead decided to have dessert and coffee at a coffee shop on the way home.

All in all, it was a worthy date in light of our self-imposed date hiatus. While driving home, I told Ramil that I was happy and satisfied with our experience in Vieux Chalet but will not go back anytime soon. I swallowed my words the following day when I woke up craving for their Shrimp Ravioli. It’s definitely a date place I would love to go back to as soon as we get our hands on some extra money

Spinach

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In my short life of 26 years, I am lucky to have met several people I can consider as spinach in my life. Most of the time, these people are those that I instinctively jive with. My two high school best friends would certainly qualify.

When we met each other in 1994, we hit it off instantly. These girls make me feel good whenever we’re together. Aside from them, I know that there are several other people whom I have met whom I might consider spinach. Sometimes though, circumstances or maybe destiny sets that they just pass through our life fleetingly. So it’s a good idea to try to grab that spinach if you find it and turn it into a life-long friend. Better yet, marry your spinach just like what I did.

Kryptonite

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Unfortunately, if there’s an up then there’s a down. If some people can make you feel good, there are some who can ruin your day (or worse, your life) with just a look or a word. These are the people you wouldn’t want to be partnered with in a class project. These people would make you look so much worse than how you feel or how you did. They are the ones who can make you believe in Murphy’s Law .

It’s always wise to practice the skill of identifying kryptonite people and learning to steer clear of them. I had a classmate in high school that I would categorize as BI (bad influence). The year that we were particularly close was the year when I cut the most number of classes. That was the year when I first experienced going to the mall during class times. I got associated with several more people who did me more harm than good. I’m not saying I’m entirely faultless but I think they bring out my bad side. Just like the effects of a red kryptonite on Superman.

I know I would meet more people in my life and I know there are people who can bring out both the best and the worst in another person. Mateo alone can both be my spinach and kryptonite, depending on how he’s acting. It’s still a matter of learning to deal and handle it. I’m just hoping I get to have more spinach than kryptonite.

What better way to celebrate our 100th month of togetherness than by starting another journey together. Ramil and I have known each other for the longest time. Our story is one that I know I would love to tell to Mateo, our future daughter, and our future grandkids. After being classmates for so long, and also teaching at the same school now, you’d think we’d want to try out things separately instead of starting a blog together. But with Ramil and me, it has always been a ’stronger together’ kind of thing. We’ve always had fun together too and it’s time to start having fun by blogging together.

So we’re adding another thing to our unending list of to-do’s. Feel free to read up, lurk around, or even share your thoughts with us. Here’s to our 100 months of togetherness!