Back in October, andrea and I experienced one of the worst heartaches we’ve ever felt. We lost our second baby. She was only three months old and still in her mommy’s tummy but she was ours. Now, several months after, here we are again, expecting.

Last week, we went to her gynecologist to hear our third baby’s heartbeat through the doppler, something we failed to accomplish last time. I was really hesitant at first because it was during this time when our second baby’s heart stopped beating. But I realized that then, more than ever, andrea and I needed it each other to get through the whole ordeal (this doppler scan). Because, if the same unfortunate thing happens again, we would only have each other to lean for support.

Anyway, it was the longest clinic time we’ve ever had. Our gynecologist was due to go out of the country for almost a month so all her patients wanted to see her for a last checkup before she went. We arrived at the clinic a few minutes after six in the evening and waited until 11:30 for our turn. Yes, she had lots of patients and she was determined to finish seeing us all.

When it was andrea’s turn to lie on the table and have her tummy scanned with the doppler, I kept on praying. The 5 hour wait for her turn seemed nothing compared to the anticipation I felt during the next few minutes. I distinctly remembered feeling hopeful and happy when we had the same scan a few months back until the doctor told us that she couldn’t her the heartbeat. So I couldn’t wouldn’t allow myself to be hopeful now.

The moments seemed to pass and I tried to drown every sound in the room so that I could hear that familiar beat from the doppler – the train-like cadence I heard when mateo was still in her mommy’s tummy, the same beat I wanted to hear but never did with our second. A few more minutes went by until I finally heard a sound from the doppler. It was short at first. I thought I was only imagining it because I wanted so much to hear it. But the doctor seemed to mysteriously know where to bring the doppler to next because everytime I heard a faint beat, she would swing the device again. Until finally, the doppler stopped moving. Andrea and I could finally hear that train-like cadence. She (I’m hoping it’s a she) is alive and doing pretty well. The doctor told us that the baby was quite energetic and moving around a lot that’s why she had a hard time finding her. Everytime the  doctor heard a beat, the baby would move. I wasn’t imagining the sound after all. She heard it too.

I was so happy I wanted to cry. I almost did the moment we went out of the clinic. I just hugged andrea instead.

After that, we couldn’t stop smiling. I couldn’t stop hearing the cadence in my head. Apparently she couldn’t too, that’s why she bought a doppler a few days after. We are currently waiting for the thing to arrive after ordering it on ebay. Hahaha!

Tags: miscarriage, Parenting, pregnancy