A female friend of mine recently started a friendship with a male co-worker. The friendship is of the new generations’, they’re constant texters even though their work allows them little interaction with each other. After several exchange of text messages, he asked her out and she agreed. On that date, he expressed his liking for her and told her that he has a crush on her. The single date turned into two when he asked her out to have coffee and even brought her home afterwards. After a few days, she told him (through a text message) that maybe they should stop sending text messages to each other, and to definitely stop going out with each other. She realized that they are actually threading the delicate lines of cheating. Even though she considers the guy as just a friend, he still has a girlfriend.

This, and many other similar stories, is an example of how blurry cheating is. According to Wikipedia ,

Infidelity can be defined as any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, and is a breach of faith in an inter-personal relationship.

Using this definition, can one say that if a boyfriend of an extremely jealous girlfriend talks or even just looks at a pretty girl then he is cheating on his girlfriend? Is the knowledge of your partner’s displeasure of a certain act falls under ‘mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship’? But relationships don’t start out with clear boundaries anyway. You don’t enter a relationship and say ‘Here is a list of our do’s and dont’s’. What then would be considered cheating? I’m sure to most people it doesn’t have to go as far as sex for cheating to be considered cheating. Even to those in an open relationship , infidelity is a possibility.

In this day and age of text messages, instant messengers, and online social networking sites, the lines of infidelity are more blurred than ever. Is a and a considered acts of cheating? If your boyfriend has a ’special online friendship’ with someone he has never met, is he being unfaithful?

I had a boyfriend before who agreed to stop smoking. I didn’t exactly ask him but he knew that I didn’t like it so he told me he’ll stop smoking. Several months after his vocal resolve to stop smoking, I detected the unmistakable smell of nicotine on his fingers and his breath smelled suspiciously of toothpaste. I am a naturally instinctive person and I immediately knew that he smoked and that he was trying to hide it from me. I didn’t even dare confront him about it, afraid that he would even deny it upfront. Needless to say, I felt betrayed. Was he being unfaithful? I would definitely consider it a ‘violation of mutually agreed-upon rules of a relationship’. Most especially since he was the one who imposed it.

How about those who simply think about committing an act of infidelity? Or those who cheat but don’t get caught? Are you considered a cheater even if you’ve never been caught? There are also the technicality of ‘in-betweens’, ‘on a cool-off’, or ‘on a break’. The possibilities seem to be endless and just like the law, people use the intricacies of it to get away with it.

When my friend talked to me about her situation, I told her that it would be safe to use herself as compass. I told her to put herself in the girlfriend’s shoes. Would it be okay with her if the guy is her boyfriend? She thought long and hard. That’s when she realized that they’re being a bit unfair to the unknowing girlfriend.

As for me, I’m only happy that my own personal experience with infidelity is limited to cigarettes. Or at least, that’s what I know.

Tags: cheating, infidelity, Relationships